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Once you tell yourself “I’m going to be the bigger person,” you’re already NOT being the bigger person.  Bigger personhood should happen naturally, without self-prompting and, quite possibly, without self-recognition.

I’m not being self-righteous…I’ve said “I’m going to be the bigger person” quite a few times.  The fact that I have to announce this to myself already takes some of the sweetness out of my largesse.

When was the last time you did something nice and didn’t even notice that you had?  How second nature is it?  Don’t worry if you say “I can’t remember” because, as a general rule, we always know when we’re being nice or generous or giving or…you know what I mean.  Even when people in movies seem to be acting selflessly, once the camera cuts to a close-up where a small tear rolls down the cheek or a wistful look is seen as they turn and walk away, that is self-recognition.

I’m not saying that generosity has to be completely unconscious.  If you tell yourself that you’re going to be good to other people without exceptions and with a smile on your face, you are declaring a purpose, a mission, a credo.  If you isolate each act of generosity, that’s another story.

I’m not criticizing…I’m just stating my opinion and hoping that you’ll give it some thought, even if you end up disagreeing with me.

To get here, well, I had to stop reminding myself that I was being good or kind, and I just had to be whatever the moment called for.  I’m not keeping score…and, for the most part, people have no idea what I do for others.  Good deeds should spread because we see them happen, not because we see the hand that is behind them.

Does that make sense?


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There is such a thing as too much rest.  Even though my shoulder hurts, for no reason other than I’m old, I am tired of vegetating in spite of the fact that not vegetating seems to make matters worse.

That’s all I can say today…

Well…I could say ow, ow, dammit, ow, and several other more colorful interjections, but I’ll refrain.  Don’t want to come across as a whiner…

But I AM whining and I feel tremendously useless because I need to sit down and let the stupid shoulder rest from time to time…

Aging sucks.